Anyway, I was supposed to be graduating, and I sort of freaked about the fact that I didn’t have a job lined up, didn’t have any money, felt like I had no prospects, etc. Now that I feel like I have a little more time, I don’t feel the pressure quite as strong as I did before, but it’s still there and I can’t help but be stressed out about it, even if it’s a sort of subconscious, subtle stress. I don’t sit here freaking about it, but it’s always lingering in the back of my mind.

Currently, Ivona and I are searching for not one, but two apartments; one on the Vineyard for the summer so we can work down there, and one in Amherst for the fall; and we’re potentially buying a used car that we found a pretty good deal for. I’m looking forward to that change, of getting out of Amherst, of having some money again, and I feel like I’m sort of sitting here waiting for that to happen. I’m almost looking forward to the insane work schedule (probably going to average 14 hours a day, seven days a week), because I know I do best when I’m constantly moving and doing things. Part of what got me into this rut is sitting around so much and not doing anything. Vicious cycle. I’m in a rut because I’m not doing anything, and I’m not doing anything because I’m in a rut.

Alex and I had a brainstorming session a couple weeks ago to work on a screenplay. We’re developing a story I had very roughly sketched out, coupled with a general theme that has been bothering both of us lately and that Alex pretty neatly summed up with the term “quarter-life crisis.” We’ll see how it goes, if it does, but lately I’ve been more and more thinking that I want to write a version of the story on my own, maybe in book form. It has less to do with my feelings about how a screenplay written with my brother would turn out, because I think we could do some great work together, and more to do with the feeling that I really want to accomplish something on my own. I feel like not many things are turning out the way I want them to, and if I really want to be a writer, I need to take it seriously and do it.

I guess that’s the state of affairs right now in my world. If any of you have some great tip or secret to getting your life back on track, please share.

So, since lack of motivation has always been the barrier that keeps me from accomplishing what I should easily be able to, I’ve decided to force myself into it. From now on, if I haven’t made a post by 2 am following any given day, I’ll pay whoever emails me at drew@riverhed.com pointing that out five dollars. Granted, that’s not a lot right now, but it’s incentive to get more people to come here and more importantly more incentive for me to make sure I post.

I had actually told Ivona this yesterday, and insisted that yesterday was going to be the day I kick things off. Which means I owe her five dollars (and believe me, she didn’t waste any time sending off emails and text messages informing me of this).

As far as the specifics go, I did 2 am instead of midnight because sometimes I work late. And it’s for 24-hour period of time, not necessarily calendar day. So if I post at 10 pm on the 12th, and not again until 1 am on the 14th, it doesn’t count (since it resets at 2 am, so it’s still in the 13th’s timeframe). Just wanted to get that out of the way so people don’t try to fuck me over on this. Oh, and you need PayPal to receive the money.

Anyway, it’s late now or I’d post more about what’s going on around here lately. Check back tomorrow for news.