Archive for the ‘dreams’ tag
On marriage
When people ask me if I’m happy I got married, I generally tell them it’s the best decision I’ve ever made, and every day with Ivona affirms that. People ask me why I got married so young, and while there are a lot of reasons, sometimes I just say “I guess I was the marrying type,” which really means “I’m sick of people asking me this shit.” I have canned responses for tons of questions. It probably comes from years of driving buses and cabs, and being asked the same questions constantly. But my answers about marriage, while they may be canned, are also deeply true. It’s not being married that’s so great as much as it is the person I’m married to, of course. But you know what I mean.
Maybe it’s the weather
I think I used to be a much more passionate person. I used to care more about a lot of things. I used to get excited and worked up and interested. I feel like I’ve stagnated a lot in the past few years, maybe even since starting college, and I’m hoping I can get back to where I used to be.
Ivona said tonight that she likes when I write blog entries because it’s like a window to my inner thoughts that I don’t normally vocalize or go out of my way to share. I realized that’s largely true, and not necessarily because I don’t want to share things with her, but when I don’t write it’s almost like I don’t even think about things too deeply, or analyze my own feelings. Writing is the only way I know how to figure things out, of being truly introspective. The only time I really felt like that without having to write to get at it was when I was living in France; being in a place where you don’t really speak the language at first forces you to be pretty introspective. Oddly enough, I did some of my best writing (the non-introspective kind) when I was there. It’s part of the reason I want to go back so badly.
