Anyway, I was supposed to be graduating, and I sort of freaked about the fact that I didn’t have a job lined up, didn’t have any money, felt like I had no prospects, etc. Now that I feel like I have a little more time, I don’t feel the pressure quite as strong as I did before, but it’s still there and I can’t help but be stressed out about it, even if it’s a sort of subconscious, subtle stress. I don’t sit here freaking about it, but it’s always lingering in the back of my mind.

Currently, Ivona and I are searching for not one, but two apartments; one on the Vineyard for the summer so we can work down there, and one in Amherst for the fall; and we’re potentially buying a used car that we found a pretty good deal for. I’m looking forward to that change, of getting out of Amherst, of having some money again, and I feel like I’m sort of sitting here waiting for that to happen. I’m almost looking forward to the insane work schedule (probably going to average 14 hours a day, seven days a week), because I know I do best when I’m constantly moving and doing things. Part of what got me into this rut is sitting around so much and not doing anything. Vicious cycle. I’m in a rut because I’m not doing anything, and I’m not doing anything because I’m in a rut.

Alex and I had a brainstorming session a couple weeks ago to work on a screenplay. We’re developing a story I had very roughly sketched out, coupled with a general theme that has been bothering both of us lately and that Alex pretty neatly summed up with the term “quarter-life crisis.” We’ll see how it goes, if it does, but lately I’ve been more and more thinking that I want to write a version of the story on my own, maybe in book form. It has less to do with my feelings about how a screenplay written with my brother would turn out, because I think we could do some great work together, and more to do with the feeling that I really want to accomplish something on my own. I feel like not many things are turning out the way I want them to, and if I really want to be a writer, I need to take it seriously and do it.

I guess that’s the state of affairs right now in my world. If any of you have some great tip or secret to getting your life back on track, please share.

The Massachusetts Department of Public Health has identified two probable cases at Amherst College that have not yet been confirmed by the Center for Disease Control. Amherst College is taking precautions, including cancelling social gatherings and treating four other recent cases of flu as if they were also swine flu. Those students are being isolated, treated, and expected to make a full recovery.

“None of the students’ cases are considered serious and all are responding well to treatment,” said Amherst College president Anthony Marx. “The College is, however, taking a series of steps… to contain the virus and to protect our community.”

No cases have been reported at UMass so far, though they are preparing for potential illnesses. Anyone experiencing fever greater than 100 degrees F, sore throat, cough, stuffy nose, chills, headache, body aches and/or fatigue is asked to seek medical attention immediately.

Edit: For the lolz (thanks BoingBoing)

Tonight I got out of my rut of social inactvity – my buddy T.J. was supposed to do that last weekend with his wine and cheese party, but it was delayed until tomorrow due to snow, so my only human contact for the last week was Ivona. Don’t get me wrong, that’s pretty ok with me, and I’ve enjoyed watching episode after episode of The Office while she’s been at work, but I realized today how much I’ve missed varied social interaction this past month; it was great to meet new people in a new environment, although I’ll admit it takes some warming up to new surroundings for me. Alex has probably noticed this more than anyone, but I think in the past couple years I’ve become increasingly uptight, and it really helps me unwind to go out and have a few drinks and relax a little bit. I don’t mean to say I need a couple drinks to relax and talk with people, but it helps. (I’M NOT AN ALCOHOLIC I SWEAR.)

So, anyway, I met Ivona and her co-workers at the Toasted Owl in Northampton. I’ll admit I can be pretty bad with names, and the ones I remember I won’t attempt to spell (have I mentioned I’ve had more than a few drinks tonight?). We got some wings and I had a couple Blue Moons. A girl from another Smith office just got engaged, and I felt a little insecure about the size of her engagement ring compared to Ivona’s (non-existant) diamond, but oh well. At least I can take solace in the practicality of our marriage.

Another of her co-workers just bought a house with her boyfriend, and it made me realize how much I really don’t want to be where she is right now; I don’t want to be buying a house and settling down. I want to live out of a backpack and travel. I want to spend a year in a country where I don’t speak the language and make the most out of it. I want to do whatever the hell I want without having to worry about a rent or mortgage payment or an electric bill. I want to join the Peace Corps and spend two years helping people and learning about a different culture. And if nothing else, I want to do that because I have no idea what I can do for a living with a journalism degree in a dying newspaper industry. I want to do all that with Ivona, and I’m grateful for the fact that if I decided to do all this tomorrow, she’d support me.

After the after-work happy hour, Ivona and I returned home. I did some work on this site and Ivona took a nap, and Alex called and said he wanted me to come out. I was hesitant at first; when I get into the habit of not being social it’s hard to break out of it, but he worked out a ride for me and given that he’s moving soon I didn’t feel like I could say no, and I’m glad I didn’t. When he moves, it’ll be only the second time we’ve lived in different time zones. I guess this isn’t a huge deal to regular siblings, but for identical twins it’s different. We’ve had our differences in the past few years, and gone in different directions with our lives, but he’s still my twin brother and I’m going to miss him. I’m determined to actually get this screenplay we talk about writing at least underway, and I’m hoping my Hollywood contacts will get us somewhere once it’s done.

(Note: Finished this post today, 1/17/09.)

The rest of the night wasn’t terribly eventful, so I’ll skip the details, but I beat the wingman role like a dead horse played wingman for Alex and Greg perfectly enough that I ended up stuck in conversation with one of the girls long after Alex and Greg had aborted the mission. It’s probably just as well that she’s engaged, because she was much hotter from across the bar than up close.

Even though it wasn’t much of a night out, it felt great to get out and do something, and I’m looking forward to the wine and cheese party tonight. With most of my friends gone from Amherst already, I’ve settled into an almost agoraphobic lifestyle. It’s not that I’m afraid of going out, just that I sort of feel like, hey, what’s the point, you know? But then when I finally do it, I’m glad I did. I’ll probably go out even less once Alex is gone, though, so I should get in that quality bar time while I can.